Last night’s family service was on the topic of healing (every Sunday night during July, we will be looking at this subject, with opportunity for prayer for healing at each service.)
We started with some ‘Doctor, doctor’ jokes, however (laughter obviously being the best medicine!) Here is a selection of jokes told by members of the congregation:
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!
Oh, pull yourself together!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a toilet.
Yes, you are looking a little flushed.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a frog.
What’s wrong with that?
I keep thinking I’m going to croak.
Doctor, doctor, I’ve got terrible wind. What can you give me for it.
Have you tried a kite?
Doctor, doctor, I have terrible diarrhoea and I think it’s hereditary.
Nonsense! Diarrhoea isn’t hereditary.
But it’s in my genes…
Some of the jokes were longer:
“A man with a painful leg goes to the doctor. The doctor hears a tiny voice coming from the man’s kneecap and listens with his stethoscope. The kneecap keeps saying ‘lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner.’
The man says ‘my ankle hurts too’ and on further examination the same thing happens: another tiny voice saying ‘Lend us a tenner.’
The doctor says, ‘This is worse than I thought. Your leg is broke in two places.'”
“A doctor saw a patient after an operation and told him he had good news and bad news. The patient asked for the bad news first and was told they had had to amputate both legs. Thoroughly alarmed, he asked what the good news was. ‘The man in the next bed wants to buy some slippers’, he was told.”
“A man went to a doctor complaining of pain in several areas. He pointed to his knee, to his shoulder and his face. The doctor was able to give an immediate diagnosis: ‘You have a broken finger.'”
“An English doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor were discussing their transplant successes. The English doctor had performed a liver transplant and was pleased that his patient was looking for work within six weeks. The German doctor was more impressive as he had done a lung transplant and the patient was looking for work in 4 weeks. The American doctor said he had operated on someone with no brain and they were now in the White House and everybody else was looking for a job in 2 days!”
Garry’s joke involved a long exchange between a doctor and a lawyer:
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Jones was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
Q: Did you check for breathing?
Q: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Q: How can you be so sure, doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.