We live in a world of ambiguity. At times, we rail against that, longing for clear-cut, definitive commands which take away any necessity for individual thought. On other occasions, we chafe at commands, wrestling with individual situations which don’t seem to fit the rule book. The tension between principles and laws make up much of our legal wrangles, as we seek both certainty and flexibility, justice and ‘right.’

1 Cor 7 is a chapter which deals with both commands and advice. It provides clear-cut commands on marriage, emphasising the sacredness and permanence of this institution (1 Cor 7:10-11, 39). It emphasises the importance of sex within marriage, stressing mutual responsibility and obligation which go far beyond the mood of the moment (1 Cor 7:3-8). It commands fidelity within marriage (1 Cor 7:2, 19) and denounces promiscuity (1 Cor 7:9), recognising the stresses and commitment which marriage brings (1 Cor 7:29-35). It also gives clear instructions to the unmarried and to the widowed (1 Cor 7:8-9) and celebrates singleness in a way that is generally alien to human thinking! (1 Cor 7:17-38).

Yet for all the clarity within this chapter, there is also ambiguity. Paul, at times, writes with complete certainty: ‘I give this command (not I, but the Lord.)’ (1 Cor 7:10), echoing Jesus’s own words on marriage (see Mark 10:2-12, also Matt 19:1-12). On other occasions, he makes it clear that he is offering his advice: ‘I, not the Lord’ (1 Cor 12, 25), though he is confident of his unity with the Spirit of God (1 Cor 7:40).

How do we deal with such ambiguity? How do we reconcile the blunt certainty of commands with the ambiguous flexibility of choice? How do we decide if we have the gift of singleness or marriage, for example? Where does our free will sit with God’s sovereignty?

Paul knows that knowledge is not the be-all and end-all of the Christian life (see 1 Cor 8:1) He knows the dangers of legalism better than most (see 2 Cor 3:6) and that there is a fine line between freedom and legalism. There is, indeed, a place for individual wrestling with God (see Gen 32), a place, as we grow, for chewing on meat, not just sipping milk. We seek to submit to God’s authority, having our thinking transformed so that we do not conform to the world’s patterns (Rom 12:1-2), but that does not mean we can always live in a black and white world. Ambiguity, it seems, is here to stay, forcing us to exercise our spiritual muscles by staying alert (Deut 4:9, The Message). Jesus reminded His disciples to keep watch: ‘Stay alert, be in prayer, so you don’t enter the danger zone without even knowing it. Don’t be naive. Part of you is eager, ready for anything in God; but another part is as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.”’ (Mark 14:38, The Message) Working our way through ambiguity is part of our maturity in Christ, never easy, but always necessary.

There is a proverb which says ‘the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.’  There is a very human tendency to think that other people’s situations are always better than ours; the proverb reflects on the fact that we are never satisfied with our own situation, but always think others have it better. Paul’s comments in 1 Cor 7:7-35 contradict this view emphatically.

In urging people to ‘live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them’ (1 Cor 7:17), Paul reminds us that contentment is a great gift from God. He applies this not only to marriage, singleness or widowhood, but to slavery and circumcision. He says, ‘And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.’ (1 Cor 7:17, The Message)

It’s very easy to spend time fantasising and daydreaming about what we could do for the Lord if things were different (‘if I had a different job, if I had more money, if I had more time, if I had a more understanding husband, if my wife were more reasonable, if I had a partner, if my health were better’ and so on.) But, as Eugene Peterson reminds us in his book on Jeremiah, a prophet who surely would have preferred to live in more congenial times, ‘The only place you have to be human is where you are right now. The only opportunity you will ever have to live by faith is in the circumstances you are provided this very day.’ (‘Run With the Horses’, P 150) We can spend all our time looking wistfully at the green grass on the other side of the fence (something so easy to do these days thanks to social media, where everybody else seems to be living such an exotic and amazing lifestyle, jetting off to foreign destinations and living lives of luxurious indolence surrounded by doting friends) or we can live as God wants us to, cultivating thankfulness and gratitude.

Paul says ‘Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.’ (1 Cor 7:24, The Message) He goes on, ‘There is no time to waste, so don’t complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple—in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out.’ (1 Cor 7:30-31, The Message) Jeremy Camp sings ‘In this life there is one guarantee/ This broken world will only leave me empty.’ (‘Living Word’, Jeremy Camp)

The sooner we realise that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, the sooner we will be able to serve God where we are, grateful for all He gives us and enables us to do. Paul’s goal was that the Corinthians developed a way of life in which they could spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions. (1 Cor 7:35, The Message) This in no ways condemns people to lives lacking ambition or hope (he tells slaves that if there is a possibility of freedom, they should take it – 1 Cor 7:20-22), but it does help us to refocus our attention on God, something we always need to do.

Someone has added to the original proverb, saying ‘You may think the grass is always greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water your own grass, it would be just as green.’ In marital terms, Prov 5:1-23 warns against adultery, urging the married man to enjoy his own wife rather than lusting after other women, practical advice rather in the spirit of this proverb! Certainly, Paul reminds us that godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim 6:6). Eph 1:3 reminds us that every spiritual blessing in Christ is the birthright of all Christians. There is no need for envy; a daily meditation on Ps 103:1-5 will help to set things in perspective, enabling us to see all the blessings and benefits God bestows on us.

What are the principles Paul lays out for us regarding marriage in 1 Cor 7?

1. Marriage and singleness are both valued by God. One is not superior to the other. Just as we cannot say apples are ‘better’ than oranges, it is unwise to praise marriage above singleness, or vice versa. As with everything, it is God who should have the final say in how we live: ‘God, not your marital status, defines your life.’ (1 Cor 7:17, The Message)
2. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. The sexual drive is God-given and is strong, but it should be harnessed, not allowed to run free. An inability to control sexual desires may mean marriage is preferable to singleness (1 Cor 7:1-6, 36-38), but marriage brings with it obligations, responsibilities and commitment; it is not a ‘cop-out for the sexually frustrated’, but a gift from God, just as the gift of celibacy is not the ‘inevitable consequence of the needy’ but a lifestyle choice of those dedicated to God (see Matt 19:11-12).
3. God has placed sex within marriage and husbands and wives have a duty (as well as a delight) to seek the other’s sexual fulfilment in marriage (1 Cor 7:1-6). Just as we do not belong to ourselves but to God (1 Cor 6:19-20), so in marriage, the husband belongs to the wife and the wife to the husband. We hear a lot about ‘rights’ these days, but the Bible reminds us always that the way to fulfilment is through service. Sex is not a bartering tool or a weapon within marriage; there is no place for abuse, bribery and selfishness with sex, any more than with anything else.
4. Sexual temptation must be resisted and the enemy’s wiles recognised (see 2 Cor 2:11). ‘Satan is about the destruction of marriages. He is totally committed to adultery, and all the personal problems that lead to it. When you battle with sexual temptation, you battle against Satan. Not because he creates the desire, but because he so powerfully and deceptively uses the desire. As married couples, we must guard our marriages from Satan. He is seeking to devour the marriage bed. Therefore, don’t let him into your bed.’ (Keith Krell) Satan’s great strategy, when it comes to sex, is to do everything he can to encourage sex outside of marriage, and to discourage sex within marriage. Paul reminds us in this chapter of the dangers of yielding to sexual temptation and offers advice on how to resist.
5. There are great opportunities for undistracted service to God for those who are single. (1 Cor 7:7-9, 25-40). Paul urges those who are single or widowed not to chase after marriage, but to see their singleness as further opportunity to serve God with an undistracted heart. ‘I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don’t complicate your lives unnecessarily,’ he says (1 Cor 7:29, The Message), reminding us that in everything, our wholehearted focus needs to be on God. The old chorus says that when we turn our eyes upon Jesus, ‘the things of the world will grow strangely dim.’ We do well not to burden people who are unmarried with the feeling that they are somehow inferior simply because they are unmarried; such a perspective is clearly unbiblical.
6. Contentment is to be valued above a restlessness for constant change. (1 Cor 7:17-24) When we’re single, we often think marriage will be the thing that brings us happiness; when we’re married, we may well believe we’d be happier if we were not married or if we were married to someone else! Paul reminds the Corinthians that chasing after alternative status is unprofitable; ‘each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.’ (1 Cor 7:17) This applies to both single and married people, and Paul says that for those who have become Christians after their marriage (and who are therefore married to a non-believer), they should not seek to end the marriage, though if their spouse wishes to leave, they should not prevent this. In modern language, ‘So please don’t, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be.’ (1 Cor 7:24, The Message) Peer pressure and cultural norms can be hard to resist, but the Christian should live in ways that are honouring to God; constantly chasing after something new is not the way to godliness (see 1 Tim 6:6).
7. Believers should only marry ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39, see also 2 Cor 6:14). This is a key principle for successful marriages, for we are called to live in the light and not have anything to do with darkness. Much heartache could be avoided if believers put their commitment to God first and trusted Him with affairs of the heart, instead of seeking a partner anywhere and believing they have to sort this matter out for themselves. If we truly believe we belong to God, then He has control over every area of our lives and knows our needs; He is also well able to provide for us (see Gen 24 & Matt 6:30-34).
8. For those who become Christians when already married, God is able to work in the marriage and can sanctify both the unbelieving partner and the children from the marriage (1 Cor 7:12-16). Whilst salvation must still be personally received, there is no reason for the Christian to end the marriage because of their conversion, though if the other person chooses to leave, the Christian should not seek to prevent them. God is able to work in all situations and the prayerful attitude of the Christian can have a great influence on the family (see also 1 Pet 3:1-8). Whilst it is true that bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor 15:33), ‘it is a scriptural principle that the blessings arising from fellowship with God are not confined to the immediate recipients, but are extended to others.’ (Leon Morris, commentary on 1 Corinthians, P 110) God’s grace and mercy can never be fathomed or underestimated!
9. Divorce is to be avoided wherever possible. The Biblical concept of marriage is a lifelong union between one man and one woman, going back to the Genesis account of creation (Gen 2:24). Paul talks of separation in this chapter (1 Cor 7:10-11), but still urges reconciliation rather than divorce where possible. In Jewish and Greco-Roman culture, divorce was acceptable, so in re-emphasising God’s original purpose for marriage, Paul shifts us from the cultural norm back to God’s norm. This is always necessary, for culture so easily shapes our views and thoughts and we have to bring our thoughts captive to Christ (2 Cor 10:5).
10. The gospel affects our everyday lives. Paul writes to the Corinthians about issues they have raised, dealing with different extremes (some Corinthians believed sex was sinful even within marriage and that true spirituality eschewed anything to do with the body; others were clearly promiscuous.) He was at pains to deal with as many different scenarios as people raised, always coming back to Scripture to explain his reasoning and his thoughts. There is no such thing as a sacred/secular divide in God’s kingdom. Absolutely every aspect of our living – our sex lives, our work lives, our relationships with family and friends, our hobbies, our hopes and fears, our health, our money – is to be surrendered to the Lordship of Christ.

Some dates for the diary in November:

Don’t forget the baptismal service on Saturday 7th November at 6 p.m. Jade is getting baptised and we are thrilled to be able to share in her joy at this special service. Come along if you can and bring your friends and family too, especially those who may not have seen an adult baptism by full immersion before! Refreshments will be served after the service.

In order to set up for this service, badminton on Friday 6th November will finish early at 8:30 p.m. Apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.

This Sunday’s meetings will now both be at Market Street. The morning service is at 10.30 a.m. and the evening service is at 6 p.m. The service at Cherry Tree Court will now be held on Sunday 15th November; this meeting has been re-scheduled as local residents are holding a special Remembrance Day service this weekend and so we have been asked to hold our church service the following week instead.

Other meetings in November are as usual:

• Bible study on Thursday 5th & 19th November (7:30 p.m.)
• Prayer meetings on Thursday 12th & 26th November (7:30 p.m.)
• Coffee mornings on Saturdays throughout November (10 a.m. until 12 noon)
• Parent & Toddler group on Friday mornings (9.30 a.m. until 11 a.m.)
• Youth club on Mondays (6.30 -8.30 p.m.)
• Sunday meetings at 10.30 a.m. and 6 p.m.

As we have been looking at the topic of remembrance this week, it’s time to think about remembering people in prayer. Paul uses this phrase in several places (Eph 1:16, 2 Tim 1:3, Philemon 1:4), and it is indeed a tremendous privilege to be able to remember people in prayer. We all need prayer! Paul was keen not only to pray for other people, but to ask them to pray for him: ‘pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.  Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.‘ (Eph 6:18-20)

This month, let’s focus our prayers not only on each other, however. Heb 13:3 reminds us to ‘continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.’ (Heb 13:3) This month’s prayer focus is on those suffering and persecuted. Pray for:

• those who are persecuted and suffer for the sake of the gospel, that the Lord may strengthen them, help them and their families and enable many people to come to faith through their example and faith (see Matt 5:11-12)
• charities seeking to minister to the suffering church (Open Doors, Syria Relief, Barnabas Fund, Christian Solidarity Worldwide, Release International etc.) to be able to reach out and help all who suffer
• those who have lost loved ones in wars and who face uncertain futures (including refugees and those seeking asylum). This Sunday is Remembrance Sunday, a time when we commemorate the contribution of British and Commonwealth military and civilian servicemen and women in the two World Wars and later conflicts. Pray for help and healing to be given to these people and their families and for God’s forgiveness and love to be seen in their lives.
• those who are in prison and all working in prisons to find Christ and receive the strength to live a different kind of life. Pray also for the rehabilitation of offenders when they are released from prison and for prison chaplains who work in difficult circumstances to bring the good news to prisoners
• those who are suffering illness (and their families and carers) to know God’s strength, help and comfort. Those who have long-term physical or mental illnesses often find it difficult to cope with everyday problems and need much support and help. Those who have terminal illnesses also need our prayers. Our God is full of mercy and compassion and understands our sorrows and troubles (see Is 53:3, Heb 2:10-18); He is a refuge and ever-present help in trouble. (Ps 46:1)

My computer keeps flashing ominous signs at me declaring that it is ‘low on memory.’ I know the feeling..

The computer’s problems can, apparently, be solved by adding RAM (random-access memory), a form of computer data storage which allows data items to be accessed in almost the same amount of time irrespective of the physical location of the data inside the memory (no, I don’t understand that, either…) All I need to know is that the problem can be solved by adding memory, or so I’m told!

It’s not quite that easy with people, alas. When we forget something, when that elusive thought is just out of our reach, no amount of money can buy our memory. We often feel frustrated, especially since the things we forget are usually the most important, whilst trivial things lodge in our minds!

There are all kinds of ways of improving memory skills; memory is rather like any other muscle, we’re told, and can be trained, though equally we’re told that once brain cells have died, there’s no way to renew them. How can we help ourselves when we feel ‘low on memory’?

One way recommended by the psalms is to consciously focus our attention on God. Ps 42:6 says ‘My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.’ We are all too prone to forget God, to forget all He has done, to allow the visible and tangible to influence how we feel and how we think. God urges us to fix our attention on Him (Heb 12:2) so that we do not lose heart. The writer to the Hebrews also urges us not to forsake meeting together (Heb 10:25), being well aware that isolation is no faith-builder. As we draw near to God, use the sacraments He has given us (especially that of Holy Communion, where we consciously fix our thoughts on the death and resurrection of the Lord) and meditate on His word, our memories are renewed and our faith reinvigorated.