Three views that shape our identity:
- Our own nature: what we believe about ourselves
- Other people: what they believe about us
- God: the only truly unbiased opinion we will ever know
If we are lucky, we start life with people cooing and comforting, telling us we are loved, precious, beautiful and valued. But all too often, these opinions are biased and we encounter others that say the opposite: that we are unloved, scorned, useless, ugly, unimportant and insignificant. Michael W. Smith sings of these feelings in the song ‘Never Been Unloved‘, a song which makes use of the prefix -un to describe our attitudes and behaviour: ‘I have been unfaithful…unworthy… unrighteous…unreachable…unteachable…unwilling… undesirable…unwise… undone by what I’m unsure of…unbroken …unmended …uneasy… unapproachable… unemotional… unexceptional…undecided… unqualified…unfair… unfit for blessings from above.’
The confusion between the different opinions of others causes internal division and uncertainty. Whom do we believe? Such directly contraditctory opinions can’t all be true.
Then there is our own opinon: how we see ourselves. This is hugely influenced by our formative years, but even the most loved child can be shaped not only by what others say but by their own personality and inner thoughts. Some have critical, negative views of themselves, leading to further layers of insecurity and doubt.
Ultimately, the only objective opinion about ourselves comes from God. He gives us value and worth, unconditional love, security and significance. He is not sentimental in His appraisal of us, so we can trust His judgmenjts. He will also not be swayed in His opinion, as we are, by behaviour. His love and acceptance are not dependent on our niceness, cuteness, attractiveness or goodness. They spring from His own united, faithful character, not from our likeability. (Deut 9:6)
Our identity is ultimately decided and determined by God, which gives us stability and strength. Others may, like Samuel, only see the outward appearance and judge the book according to the cover (think of Simon Cowell’s initial reaction to seeing Susan Boyle, compared to how he reacted when she actually sang for him!) Our own view of our identity may seem like a fragmented kaleidoscope picture, liable to change depending on how we feel or whose voice is whispering most loudly into our ears.
But God’s view will not change. To Him, we are precious (Is 43:4), loved (Jer 31:3, John 3:16), valued (Matt 10:31), accepted (Eph 1:6) and changed (2 Cor 3:18, 2 Cor 5:17). That puts backbone into our weakness and strength into our step.