This morning we continued our series on ‘Battles and Blessings’, looking at the blessing of good relationships (Eph 5:21-6:9). Paul mentions three specific relationships in these verses (marriage, parent/ child relationships and master/ slave relationships), but the principle of all good relationships is laid out in Eph 5:21. It’s only as we submit to one another and honour each other that relationships can flourish (see Phil 2:1-4).
Marriage
Marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has given to people, and yet it’s so often a relationship that is fraught with tension and unhappiness. Our inherent sinfulness and selfishness mean that we often end up hurting the people we love the most. God made Eve to be Adam’s companion and helper, because He saw that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18). Marriage is meant to be a relationship of mutual love and support. Adam recognised this when he said, ‘“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”’ (Gen 2:23) For centuries, we have recognised that marriage between a man and a woman is the bedrock of society, a relationship blessed and sanctified by God, but in these days, that very relationship is under attack from every angle. We need to keep coming back to what God tells us about marriage. It’s so very important not simply from a human point of view, but because, as Paul says, it is a picture of Christ’s relationship with His people. Christian marriage mirrors the relationship God has with His church and as such must always be honoured.
Christian marriage involves submission to the husband by the wife and unconditional love from the husband to the wife. The Message version translates submission as ‘understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ’ and urges husbands to ‘go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.’ When we do things God’s way, we find our marriages are not battlegrounds, littered with corpses, but are places that reflect the unity and harmony that exist in the Godhead.
Parent/ Child Relationships
Paul teaches children to obey their parents in the Lord. This is the right thing to do; it fulfils the commandment to ‘honour your father and mother’ and he reminds children that this comes with a promise of blessing: ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ (Eph 6:3, Deut 5:16) But he also looks at the responsibilities of parents too, reminding fathers in particular that they have a responsibility not to exasperate their children, but to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4) That word ‘exasperate’ has been translated ‘don’t provoke your children to anger’; the Amplified version expands on this idea saying, ‘do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; don’t show favouritism or indifference to any of them.’
We live in a society where many children don’t even know their fathers, where parents may well not live together and where the fundamental security and love a child needs to grow in wisdom and understanding are often sadly lacking. God wants our most basic of relationships to reflect His love, kindness, unconditional acceptance and faithfulness. There is such blessing when there is a good relationship between the generations, when great-grandparents, grandparents, parents and children can share in love, loyalty and acceptance.
Master/ slave relationships (or how we respond to those in authority or handle authority)
Paul then goes on to talk about the relationship between a master and a slave, a relationship which may well seem to lack any kind of mutual respect, since a master was someone in a position of authority and a slave often had few, if any, rights. Yet once again, Paul insists that there is respect and mutual responsibility in this relationship. Slaves are urged to live lives of obedience, but this is to be more than outward or token obedience. It’s to be ‘with sincerity of heart’ (Eph 6:5) and this can be done because the master is seen as the earthly representative of Christ: ‘just as you would obey Christ.’ (Eph 6:5) Obedience is not just because we want to win favour and have an easy life; it stems from ‘doing the will of God from your heart.’ (Eph 6:6) Paul shows us in these verses that any relationship we have is a reflection of our relationship with God. We serve wholeheartedly, he says, ‘as if you were serving the Lord, not people.’ (Eph 6:7) We can serve gladly and willingly, no matter what our position, because we have an eternal perspective. We know God rewards each one for whatever good they do. (Eph 6:8) In other words, we see beyond the present and look into eternity. This has enormous implications for each one of us, whatever job we are doing. Christians should be the best workers in the workforce, not because we are any better than anyone else, but because we are working ultimately not for our employer, but for God. Joseph is an example of this; whether he was working for Potiphar or in the prison, he was constantly winning the favour of those above him because of his willingness to serve. The prison warden didn’t have to do anything because God’s favour was on Joseph and because he worked so hard. (Gen 39:22-23)
Paul is revolutionary, however, because he lists responsibilities for masters also. He wants those in positions of responsibility not to abuse that position, not to treat slaves with disdain or threats. He wants them to show respect and consideration. (Eph 6:9) There is no place for manipulation and oppression in any Christian relationship. Paul teaches all people are equal before God: ‘you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him.’ (Eph 6:9) If we live with the daily conviction that there is no favouritism with God, that He loves all people equally, that He sees how we live as a vital outworking of our faith, then this will influence every relationship we have and will colour how we live.