If we are honest, living peaceably among other people is probably the hardest thing we ever have to do. Poverty, unemployment, education and health are all important factors in life, but one of the biggest sources of anxiety and conflict in our lives comes from our relationships with other people. 2 Samuel 3 shows us this is an age-old problem and one which we desperately need to fathom if we are to avoid the disastrous consequences we see there.
In that chapter, we see David as king of Judah and Ish-Bosheth nominal king over the rest of Israel, with Abner (chief commander) actually the one pulling the strings. We see Ish-Bosheth and Abner fall out over an accusation made, the result being that Abner withdraws his support of Ish-Bosheth and effectively defects to David’s side. Personal affront clearly trumped loyalty in his case, a reminder that the breakdown of relationships often comes when we are offended and unwilling to forgive and make amends. David’s commander, Joab, away when this peace treaty is negotiated, is furious when he finds out. He has not forgotten that Abner was the one who killed his brother, Asahel, and he does not believe Abner could ever change his spots. Unbeknown to David, he meets with Abner and murders him in cold blood.
Rivalry, revenge, a lack of remorse and a complete lack of forgiveness are the base human emotions dominating this chapter, and David (the ‘anointed king’) looks on helplessly, feeling that these ‘sons of Zeruiah are too strong for me!’ (2 Sam 3:39) He makes it plain that Abner’s death has not been authorised by him and laments the death of a courageous soldier, even as he has lamented the deaths of Saul and Jonathan, but once again, we see how personal pride and selfishness often lead to disastrous consequences.
Sin has spoiled our relationships and we struggle now to get on with others, often letting greed, selfishness, a refusal to forgive and pride dominate our lives. All the New Testament writers stress the need to love one another as the outworking of our faith in God, and all stress how grace, mercy and forgiveness – freely offered to us by God – need to be seen in our relationships with others. Only as we let go of our need to control, manipulate and bear grudges can we hope to fulfil Paul’s instruction: ‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.’ (Rom 12:18) This should be our aim, made possible by the power of God’s Holy Spirit living in us.
