Loneliness is not a subject we often like to talk about in church, perhaps because the focus there is so often on being part of God’s family and on the fellowship we share with  God. How can anyone feel lonely when they are surrounded by people and when we are hearing every week that God wants to be our best friend? So we hide away; you can be terribly lonely in a crowd…

There is a vast difference between being alone and being lonely. Introverts probably relish being on their own more frequently than extroverts who thrive on other people’s company, but loneliness is not just about the number of friends you have or how often you see people. Loneliness, as Stephen described, is a feeling of isolation, often described as not being understood or loved. Thus, someone who is bereaved feels lonely because other people are not experiencing the same sense of painful loss they are experiencing and they feel adrift. Someone whose personality is different to other people may well feel lonely because no one understands their sense of humour or ‘gets’ them. When we feel disconnected from people and from God, we feel incredibly lonely.

The psalmists are honest about their feelings of loneliness: ‘Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.’ (Ps 27:16) In other places, we read ‘Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Saviour’ (Ps 27:9, see also Ps 38:21, Ps 71:9, Ps 138:8). The pain of broken relationships (Ps 41:9, Ps 88:8) and sense of loss that form a great part of loneliness are found in the Psalms, and we see that there will always be a sense of yearning for something better (the bliss of Eden we have lost through sin) while ever we are on earth. It is only in heaven that we will find perfect satisfaction and fulfilment in God.

In the meantime, how do we learn to cope with loneliness? The first aspect is to stand on the truth of God’s word that He will not forsake us, abandon us or leave us, no matter how we feel. Secondly, we see that God places the lonely in families (Ps 68:6), so we have to be careful not to withdraw from fellowship (the tendency is to retreat into ourselves, but God wants us to actively seek out others and seek to serve them instead of focussing on our own needs all the time.) Thirdly, we need to be honest with ourselves, with God and with others about how we feel. Rather than letting loneliness lead into real mental health problems, we have to find solace, succour and strength from God and His people. Opening up about loneliness often leads to a discovery that we are not alone in how we feel, which in itself is the first step to healing.

The charity Mind has useful advice on coping with loneliness here. As with so many things, we need to de-stigmatise the word and talk openly about our problems instead of hiding them away where they grow in power. Not everyone will understand us and it can be hard to find people who can empathise with us, but we must beware of the ‘little foxes’ which ruin the vineyards (Song of Songs 2:15). Openness, vulnerability and a steadfast trust in the God who died so we need never be separated from His love can help us as we struggle with the loneliness of living in a fallen world among sinful people and the estrangement this causes.

Stephen spoke this morning on the subject of loneliness, asking if it is possible for Christians to feel lonely and if Jesus ever felt lonely. Certainly when He was on the cross, Jesus expressed feelings of abandonment and rejection (asking why God had forsaken him), and it is true that many of us often lack a sense of God’s presence even if we know the promise that He will never leave or forsake us (Heb 13:5).

Loneliness is a form of isolation, quite different from solitude. God declared that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18) and since we are created in God’s image, we are clearly made for deep and meaningful relationships, for community, for ‘togetherness’, largely because God Himself is a triune God (Father, Son and Spirit involved in intimacy, a ‘holy hug’ we all aspire to.) We are called to participate in the divine nature (2 Pet 1:4) and therefore have a need for relationships. Our sin separates us from God, but even after we are reconciled to God, we may feel isolated and alone.

To guard against feelings of loneliness, we have to follow the ‘one another’ practices found in Scripture which encourage us to live as part of a wider community; thus, we must love one another, encourage one another (1 Thess 5:11), honour one another (Rom 12:10) and value one another (Phil 2:3). If we feel lonely even in the safety of God’s presence – a loneliness that often comes from the pain of loss and the hurt we inflict on each other at times – we have to be aware that drawing close to God in solitude is not the same as feeling isolated. God’s presence with us (Ps 73:23) can help us through really difficult times (Ps 23:1-6) and help us to fear no evil.

Loneliness comes to us all at times, but God wants us to grasp hold of His presence so that we grow closer to him and to each other as we learn to value the family of God in which He has placed us.

The penitential psalms are psalms which freely confess sins. David says, ‘When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy one me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.’ (Ps 32:3-4) It is only when he acknowledges his sin and confesses his transgressions that he receives forgiveness (Ps 32:5) and an assurance of cleansing.

Confession is an integral part of repentance, and one which can be found in many books of the Bible (see, for example, Neh 1:5-7, Neh 9:1-3, Ezra 10:1, Dan 9:4-6), not to mention Mark 1:5, Acts 19:18, 1 Jn 1:9). But confession is not something we find easy to do. Blame-shifting, making excuses and rationalisation for our sin are far more common responses than confession (see Gen 3:12-13), and those of us in Protestant denominations find confession to people almost impossible to do, despite the Biblical command to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other (James 1:16).

We need to understand that confession is necessary because it cuts through our denial and places us in a position where we acknowledge God’s righteous judgments and accept responsibility for our own sin. David undoubtedly sinned against people – Bathsheba, Uriah, Joab, to name but a few caught up in his actions – but he also recognised that sin is fundamentally rebellion against God. (Ps 51:4) He also recognised God’s righteousness and his own sinfulness (see also Neh 9:34). Confession helps us to name sin, to stop hiding behind our excuses and to align ourselves with God’s word and God’s judgments. It also helps us to recognise our sinful nature and thus becomes the propellant which allows us to depend daily on God’s grace, strength and power, rather than living in our own strength (see 1 Cor 10:12). When we confess our sins before other people, we are prevented from living divided lives and have to live out the gospel in community, recognising our role as part of the body of Christ and recognising that we need other people too. It is profoundly humbling to confess sins. When we do so, there is no room for pride and no room for the enemy to gain a foothold. Instead, we learn the value of other people’s forgiveness and fellowship and can become people who are able to teach transgressors God’s ways so that they can turn back to Him. (Ps 51:13) No wonder they say that confession is good for the soul!

Abstract art is a term used to describe art that does not attempt to represent an accurate depiction of a visual reality, but instead uses shapes, colours, forms and gestural marks to achieve its effect. Post Impressionist artists like Paul Gauguin, Georges Seurat, Vincent van Gogh and Paul Cézanne influenced 20^th century art enormously and led to the advent of 20^th abstract art. Artists such as Wassily Kandinsky and Pablo Picasso became famous for their abstract art. Such art tends to provoke strong reactions (you either love it or hate it!), but certainly with its strong emphasis on colour and shapes, it is not easy to ignore this art, even if you don’t understand it!

It is very easy for us to think about sin in the abstract, to have a vague idea of wrongdoing which is never particularly specific. The penitential psalms (Ps 6, 8, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130 and 143, so named by Cassiodorus, a Roman statesman and monk who lived in the 6^th century and who was responsible for overseeing the copying of many ancient manuscripts) do not allow us this luxury. These psalms describe people’s anguish and sorrow over sin, and force us to understand that whilst our sinful natures (inherited from our forefather, Adam, as Ps 51:5 indicates) do not need a ‘specific’ sin to be sinful, specific sinful acts cause us despair and rupture our relationships, with God and with other people. In the case of Ps 51 (and possibly Ps 32), a specific context for the psalm is given (see 2 Sam 11 and 12 for details of David’s adultery, deceit and murder); we see in this way the sorrow and grief over sin which penitence truly marks.

These psalms contain specific words for sin: transgression (a rebellion and refusal to submit to rightful authority), sin (a missing of the mark, a failure to hit the bullseye prescribed for us by God), iniquity (from a word meaning bent or twisted, having the nuance of perverting that which is right, of erring from the way) and deceit (a deliberate cover-up, falsehood or hypocrisy.) They also focus on the forgiveness and cleansing found in God because of His mercy, compassion and love. As such, they become models for us when we sin (see 1 Jn 1:8-10), showing us how to approach a holy God in repentance, contrition and trust.

We all need goals and aims in life if we are to find purpose in what we are doing, but for so many of us, our lives are motivated simply by what feels good for us (short-term hedonistic goals). If it looks good, we do it. If it feels good, we do it. We are fed the philosophy, ‘nothing is wrong if it makes you happy’ and so we base our living on such motivation, only to discover that selfish goals often leave us dissatisfied and we are not always happy even if we have everything we have aimed for.

Ps 73 captures the dissatisfaction so many of us feel with life as we enviously look on others who seem to be doing well even though they have no regard for God. We need to have an eternal perspective if we are to live life focussing on God’s purposes and plans rather than our own ambitions.

When we live according to God’s perspective, our values and goals will become shaped and moulded so that we no longer live ‘as the pagans do’, as Jesus says to His disciples. We don’t have to run about worrying about what we will eat and drink or wear, because we have a heavenly Father who cares for us. (Matt 6:25-34) We are therefore free to seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness (Matt 6:33); we are free to live life fuelled by different motives – no longer needing to ‘look after number one’ (because God will take care of our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus!), but free to serve God and live according to His ways. Is 26:8 says ‘Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for You; Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.’ If our motivation for living is God’s name and renown, then we can be sure we will have the fuel we need to live according to God’s ways.

A desire to please other people seems a very Christian virtue, since serving others forms an integral part of the gospel message (see, for example, Phil 2:3-4). However, there is a difference between serving people out of love and obedience and serving them because you are motivated by a need for their approval and affirmation.

Aesop says in one his fables, ‘In trying to please all, he had pleased none’, and another proverb says, ‘You can please some of the people all of the time; all of the people some of the time and some of the people NONE of the time.’ The Bible tells us that it is better to seek to please God than people (see Gal 1:10, Prov 29:25) Our aim should be to live a life worthy of the Lord (Col 1:9)… which may well mean learning to say ‘no’ to people and putting God first in everything. We don’t want to be like the people who would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue, people who ‘loved human praise more than praise from God.’ (Jn 12:42-43) Instead, we need an unshakeable confidence and faith in God (like Daniel and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) who could withstand pressure and temptation and refuse to bow to other gods.

Living to please God before people may make us unpopular in the short term (though we should never try to be inconsiderate or selfish in our service.) However, we must be secure in our identity as children of God and not motivated by a desire to please others in order to gain from them the approval and love which only God can give. Only when we are secure in God’s love (see Jn 13:1-4) can we stoop to serve others.