This morning we continued our series on ‘Battles and Blessings’, looking at the blessing of good relationships (Eph 5:21-6:9). Paul mentions three specific relationships in these verses (marriage, parent/ child relationships and master/ slave relationships), but the principle of all good relationships is laid out in Eph 5:21. It’s only as we submit to one another and honour each other that relationships can flourish (see Phil 2:1-4).

Marriage

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has given to people, and yet it’s so often a relationship that is fraught with tension and unhappiness. Our inherent sinfulness and selfishness mean that we often end up hurting the people we love the most. God made Eve to be Adam’s companion and helper, because He saw that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18). Marriage is meant to be a relationship of mutual love and support. Adam recognised this when he said, ‘“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”’ (Gen 2:23) For centuries, we have recognised that marriage between a man and a woman is the bedrock of society, a relationship blessed and sanctified by God, but in these days, that very relationship is under attack from every angle. We need to keep coming back to what God tells us about marriage. It’s so very important not simply from a human point of view, but because, as Paul says, it is a picture of Christ’s relationship with His people. Christian marriage mirrors the relationship God has with His church and as such must always be honoured.

Christian marriage involves submission to the husband by the wife and unconditional love from the husband to the wife. The Message version translates submission as ‘understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ’ and urges husbands to ‘go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.’ When we do things God’s way, we find our marriages are not battlegrounds, littered with corpses, but are places that reflect the unity and harmony that exist in the Godhead.

Parent/ Child Relationships

Paul teaches children to obey their parents in the Lord. This is the right thing to do; it fulfils the commandment to ‘honour your father and mother’ and he reminds children that this comes with a promise of blessing: ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ (Eph 6:3, Deut 5:16) But he also looks at the responsibilities of parents too, reminding fathers in particular that they have a responsibility not to exasperate their children, but to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4) That word ‘exasperate’ has been translated ‘don’t provoke your children to anger’; the Amplified version expands on this idea saying, ‘do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; don’t show favouritism or indifference to any of them.’

We live in a society where many children don’t even know their fathers, where parents may well not live together and where the fundamental security and love a child needs to grow in wisdom and understanding are often sadly lacking. God wants our most basic of relationships to reflect His love, kindness, unconditional acceptance and faithfulness. There is such blessing when there is a good relationship between the generations, when great-grandparents, grandparents, parents and children can share in love, loyalty and acceptance.

Master/ slave relationships (or how we respond to those in authority or handle authority)

Paul then goes on to talk about the relationship between a master and a slave, a relationship which may well seem to lack any kind of mutual respect, since a master was someone in a position of authority and a slave often had few, if any, rights. Yet once again, Paul insists that there is respect and mutual responsibility in this relationship. Slaves are urged to live lives of obedience, but this is to be more than outward or token obedience. It’s to be ‘with sincerity of heart’ (Eph 6:5) and this can be done because the master is seen as the earthly representative of Christ: ‘just as you would obey Christ.’ (Eph 6:5) Obedience is not just because we want to win favour and have an easy life; it stems from ‘doing the will of God from your heart.’ (Eph 6:6) Paul shows us in these verses that any relationship we have is a reflection of our relationship with God. We serve wholeheartedly, he says, ‘as if you were serving the Lord, not people.’ (Eph 6:7) We can serve gladly and willingly, no matter what our position, because we have an eternal perspective. We know God rewards each one for whatever good they do. (Eph 6:8) In other words, we see beyond the present and look into eternity. This has enormous implications for each one of us, whatever job we are doing. Christians should be the best workers in the workforce, not because we are any better than anyone else, but because we are working ultimately not for our employer, but for God. Joseph is an example of this; whether he was working for Potiphar or in the prison, he was constantly winning the favour of those above him because of his willingness to serve. The prison warden didn’t have to do anything because God’s favour was on Joseph and because he worked so hard. (Gen 39:22-23)

Paul is revolutionary, however, because he lists responsibilities for masters also. He wants those in positions of responsibility not to abuse that position, not to treat slaves with disdain or threats. He wants them to show respect and consideration. (Eph 6:9) There is no place for manipulation and oppression in any Christian relationship. Paul teaches all people are equal before God: ‘you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favouritism with him.’ (Eph 6:9) If we live with the daily conviction that there is no favouritism with God, that He loves all people equally, that He sees how we live as a vital outworking of our faith, then this will influence every relationship we have and will colour how we live.

The story of Little Red Riding Hood is another classic fairytale which uses repetition with variants (‘all the better to hear you with… see you…’ etc.) to reinforce its point. The basic moral of the story reminds us that it’s dangerous to talk to strangers and that danger lurks in unexpected places; this is the story of another little girl in the forest, off to visit her sick grandmother with a basket of food, who finds the hungry wolf she meets in the forest has other ways to deceive her (the wolf gobbles her grandmother and pretends to be the grandmother to beguile the little girl.)

Such fairytales clearly have the potential to scare children; they are a reminder that life is not perhaps as safe and saccharine as we would like it to be. The wolf’s slyness and cunning remind us that we have an enemy who can appear to us in different guises; the smooth lies of the serpent are just as dangerously deceptive as the roaring of the lion. Little Red Riding Hood is naive and does not immediately recognise the wolf in her grandmother’s clothing. We too need to be on our guard, for the enemy – as C. S. Lewis skilfully reminds us in The Screwtape Letters – can appear to be eminently plausible and reasonable. We’re on our guard against a wolf, but the wolf does not always look like a wolf, hence the need for ongoing vigilance.

This fairytale warns of the pitfalls and perils in life, and we too need to be very aware of these, especially the dangers of deception. The serpent deceived Eve in the garden and is perfectly capable of deceiving us too. (Gen 3:13) In addition, the pride of our hearts can deceive us (Obadiah 1:3) and we can easily be led astray and distracted from a pure devotion to Christ. (2 Cor 11:3) The wolf doesn’t always look like a wolf… The devil does not always look devilish… but the consequences remain dire if we succumb to his deception. We don’t need to be discouraged, however. The woodcutter comes to Little Red Riding Hood’s rescue and we have a Rescuer who is mighty to save us too. (Ps 81:7)

Christian leadership is a vast subject and one on which many books have been written. Alex Montonya says, ‘all the definitions of leading have one thing in common: the leader is one who leads others to the accomplishment of a common goal.  If no one follows, he is obviously not a leader, regardless of what titles and degrees may precede or follow his name.’ (‘Rediscovering Pastoral Ministry’, John F. MacArthur Jr. and The Masters Seminary Faculty, Word: Dallas, 1995, p. 283) Chuck Swindoll gives an even pithier definition: ‘At the risk of oversimplifying . . . it’s the word influence.’ (‘Leadership’, Chuck Swindoll, Word: Waco, 1985, p. 19)

At this stage of history, no one quite knew what church leadership would look like; as the people waited for the Holy Spirit to fall, there was no real understanding of what the church would look like, let alone its leadership. At the same time, the eleven apostles (named in Acts 1:13) knew they had been called by Jesus (see Luke 6:13-16) and Peter was adamant that they needed to choose a new apostle to replace Judas. (Acts 1:16-21) Whether this was because the number twelve was symbolic of the twelve tribes of Israel or because his understanding of prophecy had been honed in this waiting period (he quotes Ps 65:29 and Ps 109:8 in giving his reasons for saying another apostle must be chosen) is not clear, but this appointment of Matthias gives us important insights into leadership choices. An apostle, Peter said, must be someone who had been with Christ throughout His earthly ministry and who had witnessed the resurrection. (Acts 1:21-22) In other words, the apostle had to have had a personal relationship with Christ, and had to have witnessed the resurrection to be an effective witness to others. (Acts 1:8)

The rest of the New Testament gives further insights into Christian leadership, but it is interesting to note that this starting point of a personal walk with God and a personal testimony remain crucial. What is interesting in all the guidance about choosing leaders and the characteristics of godly leaders is that character matters enormously. 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-8 have more to say about the character of a leader than what the leader actually does. Holiness of life, soundness of doctrine and a lifestyle compatible with Christian truth are crucial. Moreover, these first believers were content to leave the decisions to the Lord (Acts 1:24-25) once they had done all they could. We can be confident that God knows what He is doing and will both call and equip those to whom He calls to leadership.

There are always hard questions surrounding the sovereignty and omniscience of God. Our human, finite minds cannot cope with His infinite nature. Reconciling questions like predestination and human free will will always result in a tension that cannot be fully explained. If God knows everything and is all-powerful, why does He allow sin into the world in the first place? If He is all-loving, why does He allow evil to flourish? For many, these questions reveal stumbling-blocks to faith, and it is not easy to answer such questions to our satisfaction, for there are many factors we do not know or understand.

We may well feel some of these tensions when we think about Judas Iscariot. One of the original twelve apostles chosen by Jesus, we may ask why Jesus chose him if the end result of that choice was going to be betrayal. If Jesus knew that Judas would betray Him (see John 6:64), why give him the chance to do so in the first place?! We may wonder if Judas was simply a ‘pawn’ in God’s plan of salvation and therefore was God unfair to judge him for these actions of betrayal?  The dilemma reminds us of the Exodus narrative when Pharaoh and Moses go head to head before the Israelites escape from Egyptian slavery. Did God really harden Pharaoh’s heart or was Pharaoh simply stubborn?

There is no simplistic answer to these questions which satisfies. In fact, Scripture carefully balances God’s sovereign foreknowledge with man’s freely offered responses. Pharaoh hardened his heart when he saw the miracles done by Moses through God’s power (Ex 8:15, 32; Ex 9:32); on other occasions, it says, ‘the Lord hardened his heart.’ (Ex 9:12; Ex 10:1, 20) We are told that Judas was frustrated by the way Jesus endorsed the woman’s anointing of him (Mark 14:1-11; John 12:4-6) and how money was an issue for him, but also that ‘Satan entered into him’ (John 13:27). Judas himself clearly recognised his own culpability (‘I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood’ Matt 27:4), but he did not turn back to God in repentance. Remorse and regret are not the same thing as repentance.

Even the accounts of Judas’s death (Matt 27:1-10 and Acts 1:18-19) contain differences which may puzzle us: did Judas hang himself or fall headlong into a field? Some of these differences may well be explainable (the branch on which he hanged himself may have fallen and therefore he did fall into a field, causing his body to rupture), but we have to be mature enough to admit that we do not know all the answers to all the questions and be content to live with not knowing.

Daily I see many people spiritually and emotionally crippled by not having all the answers for which they long. Trials and suffering have come upon them and they do not understand why a loving God has allowed this. ‘Why me? Why this? Why now?’ are all questions asked. The book of Job records many of the questions asked and conclusions uttered at times of suffering, but ultimately gives us no conclusive answers as to why God allows suffering. What it does tell us is that God is infinitely greater than us and His plans cannot be thwarted (Job 42:2) We also know that God is well acquainted with suffering and grief (Is 53:3-6) and that we have a Saviour who has entered our humanity and suffering and is not aloof or far off. (Heb 2:10, Heb 4:15) We have a Saviour who knows all about betrayal, hurt, rejection, suffering and injustice, but whose love, forgiveness, tenderness and mercy offer us hope in every situation of life.

There are worse things in life than not knowing and not understanding, however hard that may be for us to accept. As we recognise the limitations of our understanding, we come before God in humility and reverence. We may not understand, but we can still trust that He is good and what He does is good. (Ps 119:68) We can still believe that He works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28) The apostles must have been hurt and bewildered to think that one of their number betrayed Jesus (‘He was one of our number and shared in our ministry’ Acts 1:17), but they coped with this by trusting in God’s ultimate sovereignty. May we learn to do the same, learning humility, submission and trust even on the path of suffering.

Waiting seems to us a very passive activity. It seems like inertia. We easily become impatient and want to hurry God along. Scripture is full of the disastrous stories of people who were impatient for God’s promises: Abraham, listening to Sarah and deciding that he could have a son by her slave girl, Hagar, instead of waiting any longer for God to act… Jacob, not really seeing how he could get his father’s blessing except through guile and deceit… Moses, deciding to take matters of justice into his own hands by killing an Egyptian… Saul, not having the patience to wait for Samuel and going ahead with his own sacrifices… The human heart does not find it easy to wait.

The first disciples coped with waiting by praying, gathering together and dealing with practical matters. (Acts 1:12-26) Luke tells us, ‘they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.’ (Luke 24:53) He tells us, ‘They all joined together constantly in prayer.’ (Acts 1:14) The believers understood the prime importance of worship and prayer. They also dealt with practical matters, such as the appointment of another apostle to replace Judas. (Acts 1:15-26) This account shows us how decisions were made: by reference to the Scriptures and a confident belief that God would guide them in even the most practical ways (choosing by lot.) The practical and the prayerful are not opposite ends of the spectrum, but together form the best way to live. I often wish Scripture had more to say about the ‘how’ of decision-making in the early church (‘it seemed good to us and to the Holy Spirit’ (Acts 15:28) seems frustratingly unclear to me!), but the truth is that God is able to use a variety of means. Here, we see that they used Scripture as a general guideline, used common sense (applying the same criteria to a new apostle as to the others), prayed and drew lots, by which they trusted Jesus to make his choice known (see Prov 16:33). It should be noted that after the Holy Spirit’s arrival (Acts 2), lots were not used again in the New Testament to appoint leaders.

While we wait for God to act in whatever ways He has promised us, we have a responsibility to pray and serve Him faithfully. Waiting is no excuse for inaction or inertia.

‘While I’m waiting

I will serve You.

While I’m waiting

I will worship.

While I’m waiting

I will not faint.

I’ll be running the race

Even while I wait.’ (‘While I’m Waiting’, John Waller)

In our Bible study this week, we have been looking at Acts 1:12-26. This is the only account we have of the ten days between the ascension of Jesus to heaven and the arrival of the Holy Spirit on the church on the Day of Pentecost, and whilst it is interesting to note that we now have a definite timescale for that period, for the disciples at the time, this was a waiting period full of anticipation but no definite knowledge of when the ‘promised gift’ would arrive (or what would happen subsequently.)

Waiting is, in the words of Michael Card, ‘the most bitter lesson a believing heart has to learn.’ (‘Maranatha’, Michael Card) Waiting is so very difficult precisely when we do not know when the thing we are waiting for will happen. It’s hard enough waiting for specific things like birthdays and Christmas, but at least there, we have a definite timescale! We know that with enough patience and God’s mercy, the birthday date will arrive, that Christmas will still be on 25^th December! When we are waiting for God to move or to fulfil His promises, however, there is no timescale necessarily to reassure us.

Waiting is closely linked to hoping, since we wait for the things we hope for, for the things God has promised to do. Paul says even the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. (Rom 8:19) He says, ‘we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.’ (Rom 8:23) The Christian life is full of this tension between the ‘now’ and the ‘not yet’. These first disciples were waiting for the Holy Spirit, as commanded by Jesus (Acts 1:5, 8); we live in post-Pentecost days and yet there are still promises of God to be fulfilled in our lives, in our churches, in our communities, in our world. If we are to wait well, we must learn to hope well. Paul says, ‘hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.’ (Rom 8:24-25)

In this waiting game, when we feel perhaps frustrated and impotent, we learn that there is something we can do while we are waiting. What did the believers do in those ten long days? ‘They all joined together constantly in prayer.’ (Acts 1:14) Far from assuming the Holy Spirit’s arrival was a foregone conclusion (since Jesus had promised this), they joined together and prayed constantly – earnestly, devotedly, persistently. (see also Col 4:2, 1 Thess 5:17) They sought God fervently and there was unity in their gatherings and in their prayer requests. As John Stott puts it, “God’s promises do not render prayer superfluous. On the contrary, it is only His promises which give us the warrant to pray and the confidence that he will hear and answer.” (John Stott, ‘The Message of Acts’, P 54)

If we want to know what to do while we wait for God’s promises to be fulfilled, the first thing is to pray. Secondly, we must believe that God will hear and answer. His timing is not necessarily our timing, but we have to learn that waiting is not a waste of time. I’m always challenged by Eugene Peterson’s words on waiting: “Waiting does not mean doing nothing. It is not fatalistic resignation. It means going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the meaning and the conclusions. It is not compelled to work away at keeping up appearances with a bogus spirituality. It is the opposite of desperate and panicky manipulations, of scurrying and worrying. And hoping is not dreaming. It is not spinning an illusion of fantasy to protect us from our boredom or our pain. It means a confident, alert expectation that God will do what He has said He will do. It is imagination put in the harness of faith. It is a willingness to let Him do it His way and in His time.” (Eugene Peterson, ‘The Journey’, P129)

While we’re waiting, we pray and we work, just as the early disciples did. Theirs was a ten-day wait. Ours may be much longer, but God is looking for those who will wait for the Lord, wait and be strong and take heart. (Ps 27:14) God’s answer will come. The definition of the phrase ‘a waiting game’ is ‘a tactic in which one refrains from action for a time in order to act more effectively at a later date or stage.’  The disciples were wise, for they were being obedient in waiting for the promised gift of the Holy Spirit. Only He would give them the power to be more effective for their Lord. The same is true for us.